Psalm 37 is chock full of encouragement for the righteous and dire warning for the wicked. it is where He led me to read this morning. Three instructions, commands popped off the page for me (yes, because i needed to hear them...in case you were wondering!).
"rest in the LORD"
"keep His way"
i really like the promises He gives, i just don't like to put in the work in order to receive the promise!
these aren't exactly active verbs. nor is there a time put on for how long i am supposed to to be engaged in resting, waiting or keeping. it could be anywhere from moments to years just before i go Home. i'm a short term thinker. i realize i expect the reward l.o.n.g. before i have put in the work, or effort of obeying and doing what He has told me to do.
seems like these principles are also applied to weight loss and exercising, coupled with eating healthily. i foolishly hope that just a few days of eating well, paired with working outside (we have been hauling limbs, making a giant pile, carrying, loading, unloading wood, cleaning up the mess from a downed tree that took out 3 others) will shave off pounds. i have been struggling with an angry, jealous and frustrated heart that keeps popping up. it often is triggered by spending time scrolling thru either Facebook or Instagram.
it frustrates me a lot to see posts bout health, current exercise goals achieved and how great of shape the individual is in. i guess because...i am not in great shape. exercise actually makes me feel crappy. due to a number of disease processes, i just don't have the endorphins that surge after being done. sometimes i feel crappy for an hour, sometimes it can last up to 24 hours. my body revolts when i exercise. as a result i realized that i expect every post to have a disclaimer that releases me from the responsibility to exercise: "hike a mountain that exceeds your current elevation statistic" followed by "not intended for those with health concerns" .
i obviously do not have this particular segment of my life figured out. truth is, i don't really know how to figure it out because i am addicted to food. (boy, that is scary to put out there). i don't know how to combat and therefore win over my addiction. am i not sick enough of the shape my body is currently in? can i really keep an appointment with Him and myself to get up early to swim? do i really want to take care of myself for His glory or for the selfishness of wanting to look better (and get back into some of my clothes). i don't care bout my grey hair, wrinkles of evidences of gravity and age on my body. but fat - that i am embarrassed of.
earlier this year He told me to "rock my body", in other words, to live with confidence in what He has given me. i used to walk tall, straight and gracefully. for too long i have walked drawn inwards, hunched over while subconsciously trying to hide my fat. with His strength and the Holy Spirit's guidance i want to be ready to say: "let's do this". can i still say it cuz i want it but am not 100% in?
or can i say it believing the 100% will come? today, i choose the latter. i like it a lot better.
whether it is resting, waiting and keeping or swimming, walking and lifting weights today i proclaim: