The Cone of Shame

Posted by: Jim Petzel 6 years, 10 months ago

(0 comments)

My wife Ann and I are empty nesters that refilled our home with a pair of very large Great Pyrenees dogs. Gabriel our male is the most majestic animal that I have ever been exposed to. Strong, smart, and fearless I can understand why this breed was named by Louis XIV in the 17th century as the royal dog of France. You can find YouTube videos of them running off wolves and bears but absolutely loving with small animals and children that they were created to protect. Simply amazing animals!

Gabriel recently had some minor surgery that required that a plastic cone be placed around his head. Pixair films coined these "The Cone of Shame.". For Gabriel it was a few days of frustration but for me it was a visible (and at times humorous) example of the impact of how shame encumbers us.

With the cone of shame on our beautiful animal totally changed. He usually barks with lungs that sound like they are made from 55 gallon drums but with the cone of shame on he became withdrawn and quiet. His normal smile disappeared and it was replaced with the "what the heck did you do to me" face.

Dr. Mary Lamia describes shame as "a self-conscious emotion informing you of an internal state of inadequacy, unworthiness, dishonor, or regret about which others may or may not be aware. Another person, circumstance, or situation can trigger shame in you, but so can a failure to meet your own ideals or standards whether or not they are perfectionist. Given that shame can lead you to feel as though your whole self is flawed, bad, or subject to exclusion, it makes you want to withdraw or hide yourself."

So here is what I learned about shame from Gabriel:

1. Shame can happen to any of us. We have all encountered bad things in our lives. Sometimes these major events were inflicted on us by others and sometimes we brought them on ourselves but they are absolutely debilitating.
2. Shame changes us. No one can operate well with that cone our neck. Pretending it isn't there wont improve things.
3. Avoid those that want to put a cone on you. Some leaders seek to bring shame into a situation to control others. They are not worthy of being followed and should be avoided like Gabriel is going to avoid the vet going forward.
4. Get it off. After a couple of days, Gabriel smashed the cone. We tried duck taping it back on but he would not be bound by the cone any longer. He was created to be majestic and refused to operate any other way.

So are YOU!

Share on Twitter Share on Facebook

• ← The Magic of Humility
• I Missed Out On My Dream Job Today →

---